I am going to make this quick and dirty, just stating my opinion on the issue of “coming out of the closet”. It was brought up in a conversation with a friend yesterday as we were discussing the reactions of some of our friends to a recent act of “coming out of the closet”. The whole thing reminded me of a question I once asked a few of my very open-minded friends: “what will you do when your kid tells you they are homosexual?”. The question totally confused some, or let me just say they weren’t very comfortable with the idea, and of course many also had a very calm and rational speech to give on support and so on.
Let me tell you what I will say when and if a child of mine comes to me with such a piece of information. It will be;
Well darling, I appreciate the courage and trust you are showing by coming to me with this information considering the variety of reactions one can reasonably expect to such a statement. However, and just like I expect none of your siblings to come to me with a disclosure of their favorite sexual position I see no need for you to come to me with a disclosure on your sexual orientation. When and if you find yourself a partner you want to bring into our family we will be glad to welcome them and trust your choice. And by knowing them we will get to know about your preferences, whether it is for your partner to have long hair, radical views or to be of the same sex. Other than that and though I welcome any piece of information you would like to share with me, I see no point of defining yourself with your sexual orientation just like I see no point of defining yourself with your favorite sexual position. Cool? Now let’s go get some cinnabon.
Yes I will treat myself and my kids to a cinnabon after every dramatic speech I make. Knowing myself, that will be a daily thing.
See, the mere definition of coming out of the closet perplexes me. “Coming out of the closet” is the modern term for stating one’s sexual orientation or gender identity when considered “not the norm”. A heterosexual wouldn’t be coming out of the closet by stating their heterosexuality, they are the norm. The concept re-establishes the definition of human beings by their sexuality making the full process “coming out of the closet of hiding one’s sexual identity to the shelves of being defined by it” and turning one’s sexual identity to their whole identity, making it what they are.
The need to define people by their sexual choices came from the same source that brought us the need to define the modern “family unit”, the need to define gender-roles, the need to forbid anal-sex and Rome’s need to forbid soldiers from getting married, and this source is called “turning humans into means of production” . Empires did it when they needed soldiers, religions did it when they needed more followers, feudalism did it when they needed men working all day while women produced more babies to work when the men die and capitalism is doing it as they need 72-hours/week cheap labor. The good modern family as defined by the capitalist state is one that is “registered” at the state’s record by a legally binding contract that defines who will pay whose taxes and it is a family that enables every member to be of most use to the state with fathers fully working and in no need to be available for the kids since the mother will take care of that, mothers producing the appropriate number of kids and kids going through strict, defined and graded academic courses molding them to be tomorrow’s means of production in the most economically efficient way. That is an ugly definition that fully confiscates our individuality. And just like conforming with it with no critical thinking turns us into means of production, letting the fact that we do not conform with it be what we are –again with no critical thinking- re-establishes that definition as the norm.
So, to my future child and my current friends, don’t become a list of check boxes, male/female, homo/hetro, normal/ different, not without the proper amount of critical thinking. Do not go into the closet to begin with.